PRESENTATION
QUARANTINE DIARIES
PERSONALITY
Disclaimer: This assignment ended up being A LOT more personal and detailed than I intended for it to be. However, I believe if it hadn’t occurred this way, I wouldn’t have learned something about myself. I wouldn’t have learned otherwise.
A song I love more than just simply like is "Therapy" by Khalid. Ever since his debut song "Location", there’s something that’s drawn me to him. He writes about being a teen for a teen. I can connect with him and his music in a way others might not understand. We see things from similar perspectives and express it similarly as well. However, "Therapy" has stood out more than any other song. Long story short, it’s about battling your inner demons.
I grew up in a very toxic environment in which emotion and mental health were never something spoken or cared about. As a result I grew up to be a hot mess for lack of a better word. I had no social skills, no patience, no filter and no one to talk to. Nobody was there for me to teach me what was right and wrong, how to deal with my problems or even how to be “normal”. This made me an outcast, which isn’t very different from my life now, but I’m making that effort to fix myself because despite how I was raised, I knew this is not a life I wanted to continue living this way.
When I began listening to Khalid and similar artists, I was going through what is til this day, still the worst part of my life. But during this time I had a “friend” that noticed something I didn’t notice in myself. I was so much more damaged than I thought I was. Of course, I knew I had my issues, but he forced me to face them, and he used my favorite musicians to do it.
I had spent my entire life doing what I’d seen my family do. Hiding behind walls to avoid facing my problems, bringing down others to make me feel better about myself, pretending this didn’t bother me to seem strong but in reality the smallest things destroyed me. And I mean that, I can’t handle conflict, no matter the situation, the person, the cause... I burst into tears because I don’t have discipline within myself to deal with it the way I want to. I was taught that my problems were stupid, so I always just had to shut up and pretend it wasn’t bothering me.
During the time I first heard this song I was using unhealthier things to cope with my issues, nothing illegal, just things younger me (and current me) hates myself for doing. I looked for the safety I never had in the wrong people. I used the wrong things to be accepted. I became a type of person I never want to be again and it cost me a lot.
Listening to the song will give you a better idea of what I mean but all of these things changed me for the better. It made me realize that I had to do something to make a change, talking about it all the time wasn’t enough. It came along just when I needed it. Just when I was willing enough to listen, and I mean really listen. As much as I wish that I never went through those things I went through, they made me into who I am today. And for that, I guess I’m okay with it.
FIRST MEMORY
I would bet this shaped my love of horror. Which is funny because my mom hates when I spend my time watching ghost videos online, even though I literally grew up watching ghost shows with her after school every day. Either way, I just remember genuinely enjoying the time I spent with them. I wasn’t even scared, my oldest sister was (and still is) even now.
It’s funny how representative of life now. We all still bond over horror movies, and my oldest sister still hates watching them.
